President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "Dis is Archie, up ere at de Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "der is meself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. Dat makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta calls ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Bush, de war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?” George asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, an Harry's farm tractor."
President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
Lard T'underin' bye", said Archie, I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "President Bush, de war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from de Legion had joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie,” I’ll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tells you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."